It’s
a little over a year since I took the last pill that brought my sanity back.
After six months of taking antidepressants I could finally have it together. For
those reading this for the first time, I am a depression survivor, I’d like to
use my experience and lessons learnt to impart others. What pulled me through
upon getting the right diagnosis was the information I found online, mainly
from those who are in the battlefield or have survived depression.
Most
medical conditions leave us hooked and dependent on them pills, you can call
them drugs, legal ones, of course. When I started off the treatment I got mixed
feedback, some psychologists believed I’ll be dependent forever while others thought
that my situation was manageable, they kind of minimized it. I remember this
particular lady I met in Mombasa during a play in the theatre where I was given
a chance to speak of my experience, she pulled me aside and with love and
empathy in her eyes whispered “you know this is life long, right?” I kept the faith
that I’ll be off medication soon but another thought lingered in my mind that
it might not end.
Personally,
I did what many medics find profane. I tapered of the medication myself, that
is slowly reducing the dosage to point I could finally do without it. Just glad
it worked but don't try this at home. Depression is one complex condition and in
as much as we try to establish the exact cause, medics attribute it to
inability of the body to handle stressful situations in a prolonged span of time
depleting the hormones in the brain that manage bodily functions.
So if you just got your diagnosis, having a relapse that is making you doubt if
you’ll ever make out, you have been at it for just too long or if you are
reading this for a loved one, there is hope.
It’ll be a misgiving to presume I’m speaking for all survivors but I’ll share from my point of view. Going
forward, I have been sensitive to the triggers that get me on to the sick bed
and I’ve been quick to avoid them for a sober future. I’d like to take this
opportunity to share the lessons I’ve learnt in this journey:
1.
Prayer
and inspiration kept me going.
Even in the saddest of days, I hang
in the thin string of hope that God is able to see me through. Truth is, being
saved and dealing with depression was the biggest test of my faith but from it
arose a lady confident in God’s purpose and ability. Whenever you question
yourself, always remember God does everything for a reason and your test is
within your ability.
2.
You
are not alone.
There are more like you out there,
some are aware and hiding, others are in denial whereas few talk about it. Many disease related deaths are not
attributed to the disease itself but rather the depression that creeps in the
dark of night. I’m not saying this to scare you but to give you hope, I hope it serves the purpose.
3.
There
is no magic wand.
You are unique, you might need both
medication and counselling or one of the two, you might need medication in some
seasons in your life, shortly or it can as well be lifelong. Be open to what works best for you.
4.
Recognize
your triggers and establish your safe haven.
Music did it for me and when things
got too heated and I felt like my head was exploding I kept away from the
environment that was brought about the stressful situation. This isn’t a sign
of weakness, just self love.
5.
Peace
comes from within.
Study shows that most depression
victims are artists! Shocking? The same way we allow our creative mind to
wander around and create creative content so should we create time to love on
ourselves and speak greatness. Forgive yourself, don’t beat yourself for
mistakes, perfection is an illusion.
6.
Keep
away from drugs.
Drugs interfere with our brain function
and since depression is connected to the hormones in the brain, drugs will
interfere greatly with sanity and even reduce chances of survival.
Some
people will attribute many things you do, say, or not to your ailment. You may
feel the need to explain yourself considering the harsh judgement. You may even
question your sanity but keep the faith, it will pay off. For
all the people that have fallen victims to this menace knowing or unknowingly
must not tie their lives to this particular season of their lives. Rather, they
should faithfully take the pills or attend counselling sessions and slowly allow sanity to sip in.
