The Inside Thief

The overriding theme of the World Health Day 2017 is Depression, a campaign that World Health Organisation (WHO) intends to run through the year. This would have been like all others that due to my ignorance never caught my attention in previous years. I took my first antidepressant on 22^nd March 2017 after months of health deterioration that rendered me redundant.

What are the odds, the World Health theme to be exactly what I recently got an understanding of? It all started in November 2016; my memory fails me on exactly how it all started. My life was busy, a student, employee, employer, serving in church. I moved around a lot, slept less, but no different from many city dwellers, so I thought. It started with unrelenting fatigue and dizziness. My sleep patterns changed, I seem to never get enough anymore, not refreshing. Work environments requires us to be equipped with problem solving skills, at this point I could not handle even the least of them, they needed more than my mind and body could give. The last nail on the coffin came when I isolated myself, preferring to stay home alone than get to social gatherings that I used to enjoy.  I lost my appetite; my body grew weaker even further. I felt tearful and alone time and again but I dismissed it for hormonal changes (ladies you know what I mean).

As this went on, I resigned from work, for the first time I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life upon departure, I wasn’t physically, mentally nor spiritually fit to work. As I served my one month notice in January, deep inside, I wished I tendered my resignation earlier. Public Relations is a dynamic field, substantial creative thinking is salient in making the brand you represent stand out. One needs to keep afloat with the changes in the industry to be relevant; this was a nightmare, out of reach then. I caved into its unyielding demands.

Don’t be mistaken, I sought medical help; I couldn’t just sit back and see my life get wasted away! None of them bore fruits, most medics thought my blood or sugar levels were wanting but the results showed otherwise. I took all tests you’d think of, yes, even HIV. All were negative, despite this; I knew I was not okay. When you normally take an hour walk but suddenly can’t handle a 5 minute walk, something is certainly a miss. I was placed on vitamins, antibiotics, appetizers, anti-acids, painkillers among others, they slowed down the pain and strain but the symptoms bounced back, tougher than before.

This orchestrated another hospital visit that made all the difference. The doctor looked at my previous doctor report and with firmness said I could be dealing with depression, she went further to admit that she does not have the capacity to deal with my condition and recommended that I see a psychiatrist. Seeing a psychiatrist, I did, on the same day. After a brief explanation of my symptoms, the psychiatrist went on, explaining that mental illnesses need consistent 6 month treatment. She mentioned more symptoms of depression that made me all teary, for the first time, someone got me.

I inspired many before; it all came from within, but not anymore. The inspirer needed inspiration; words failed me, who said I’m an extrovert? The bouts of energy I used to have had somehow unfriended me, leaving me desolate. I could not follow through even the shortest conversation, I had to request for the person I converse with to slow down.

My understanding of depression was that the affected has to show signs of having unsound mind. Nothing helps a depressed person more than the support of family and friends, including not belittling their symptoms or expecting them to just snap out of it. Others go further to tell them that their lives have not been the toughest, so you think. Some genetic make ups make some people more susceptible to depression, some medical conditions and treatment can contribute in addition to what is commonly known, a series of difficult life circumstances.

The 21^st century is filled with multitasking, few people can focus on one thing and live a productive life, we also witness fewer stay at home mums as they join their spouses to substitute family income. Sometimes with all this, we spin out of control and without proper and most importantly timely diagnosis; many may succumb to the world leading cause of physical impairment. Due to the high number of the affected, depression is referred to as ‘the common cold of mental illnesses’.

Depression is more than laziness more than loss of agility as many phrase it. It’s the uninvited blues that infuses you like a tick, sucking your will power. Depression robs you vision, with minimal energy, dreaming is a daunting task. It can strip you off your dignity, literally. Unlike most ailments that are primarily physical, depression is a mix of physical, mental and genetic effects that together explode to a dimension few can detect.

Before my diagnosis, someone recommended that I find a ‘new normal’ now that I consistently complained of not feeling normal. Genuine as the suggestion was, people should seek help as soon as they recognize any anomalies in their daily lives. Do not be quick to dismiss them. In your own capacity, bar the stigma associated with mental illnesses and let’s support the affected and prevent more people from going down this road. This is the beginning of my healing and the souls I’ll encounter.